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Friday, October 21st, 2005
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6:25 am - Its been a loooong time.
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I cried driving home, and all last night.
we're going downhill, or we've stepped off a cliff or something. all i know is something is wrong. he tells me that he loves me. you can tell me all you want, but i dont feel it. maybe him going away this weekend is for the best, i need time to clear my head of this week.
fighting on tuesday.
arguing on wednesday.
then just passing out on thursday.
today he doesnt even want to come out to go to dinner with me because he's leaving for upstate. it sucks so much. he called me annoying. why am i annoying? alls i wanted to do was talk/joke/play around with him for 5 mins. and he called me an annoying girlfriend. and he's been making fun of me since we got into that fight on tuesday.
God, besides whats going on with him, there is so much other shit going on in my life. he's jus always made me feel better about it, and has supported it and now, he's not there, when i need him most.
i think im gonna go cry myself to sleep, fuck this morning class, fuck work...
i need a moment.
current mood:  lonely
current music: silence
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| Friday, April 29th, 2005
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2:34 pm - la-de-da
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Im in the computer lab waiting for my soc. class to start and for kris to get out of her next class, so that we can hang out for like 5 mins but i dont think that will happen.
anyways, i dont feel like doing much, and i cant wait to go home, but mae cant work today so its a good thing that i walked into work today cuz then i can work for like an 1 1/2 hours which is good to have somthing...yay!
im not gonna see kyle tonight, hmm :(
oh well i need to catch up on makeup work and ill have a pamper myself day and clean the house day, cuz the parents are coming back tomorrow night and i want to prepare cuz i want my last night in the house alone to be *whoa*
cough:kyle:cough
hehe, bye
current mood:  bouncy
current music: people in front of me flirting
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| Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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4:22 pm - Waiting for my class again, prepare for more quizzes possibly...
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Everything is back to normal with Kyle. YAy!
Last night was soooooooo gooooood too. ::sigh:: i cant think of anything bad about last night. he made me feel really special, and im so glad to be with him. he also told me that he's planning something for me for my birthday...i wonder what it is? i thought the trip would be enough, i was almost going to tell him no, but im kinda curious, ill pester him later about it, i dont want him to spend a lot of me, if anything at all, he's paying for my trip to NH!
anyways i went to my job interview. the place turns out to be another true value. which is kinda funny and its almost like- no its going to be exactly like working at true value at new paltz. hope i dont get my codes screwwed up between job. people, especially the ones i work with will be like, "what the fuck?"
haha might be interesting...
current mood:  anxious
current music: printer
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| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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5:23 pm - okay, round two...
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i guess i just gonna start by saying that, im sick of making mistakes.
im sick on hurting kyle. someway or another i always manage to fuck up somehow and i hate it. i dont know how it happens. and until i hear his side of the story i always think that im right, and that i have a right to be mad. but i dont.
first off i shouldnt be mad in the first place. and in some respect ive turnned into the drama queen that i hate. its kinda weird and i dont know how to explain it.
anyways, in that respect im gonna try and grow up and out of this impatient, clingy thing. cuz i hate that. i think that more then anything it will ruin me and kyle's relationship. which is the last thing i want to do. he's so important to me, he doesnt even know. and even thats a little upseting, but really its my own fault i guess.
every once in awhile ill wake up in the morning and wonder, "what does he see in me?" and "why is he still with me?" and then ive realized that he's been thinking the same thing about me.
and now for the really mushy part: ive been waiting for him to give up on me, cuz at some point everyone has. but through it all, he hasnt. and to me thats something special, something my family hasnt even done for me.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: the wind
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6:22 am - Venting some confusion?
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Yesterday i was totally confused, im still confused.
kyle was supposed to come over after he worked on his car. but i remember him saying that he would be over alittle after it go dark. so 10:30 rolls around and after ive called him a couple times he finally calls me.
he still wants to come over, but i had been pissed and thought i would be alone that night so i called codie so that she could keep me company. he gets pissed, bc he had a shitty day and i had just made it worse. i felt terrible after he told me this.
but i really thought that i was right. it was awhile after dark, i started getting freaked out that that weird guy would come and pull into my driveway like last night, and ugh.
the last thing i would want to do is hurt him, but he took it so bad and i guess i understand. it was all a big misunderstanding.
i feel like ive been nothing but a big problem to him. thats the second "misunderstanding" in a row. the night before i had one too. but i fixed that one without a fight. but i just feel terrible and i hope that i can talk to him before he goes to work, even though i dont know what im gonna say that could be any different then what ive already said.
i really feel like shit.
current mood:  crappy
current music: the cat snoring
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| Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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5:35 pm - Blah blah bblha blah blahihjksdfhkjsnk......
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God, i already know this weekend is gonna suck. kyle's going away, everybody's working, im working, and my parents are going to Florida. im gonna be stuck in a house with nothing to do. wow, this sucks.
i need a walk.
current mood:  cranky
current music: Tv downstairs
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| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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3:39 pm - More..
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Break Up? Are You Kidding?
You're relationship is top notch, period!
Why are you even taking this quiz? :-)
Maybe you know you've got a good thing going
Or maybe you're a little shaky from a fight
Either way, stick with this guy!
Should You Break Up With Him? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
i was curious, but i knew even before i took this quiz. <3
I guess ill write something, since i have another hour to kill. guez.
i cant really think of anything, im kinda bored of livejournal, and dont have much time for it anymore.
i guess ill start with friday night. Kyle was sick and i didnt really feel like going out, for the first time in a long time. normally i want to go out and do something and i hate sitting around waiting for something to come up. but friday, i didnt care. i pampered myself and relaxed which was good, and i really needed. its good to unwind. but i wont get into the habbit. as good as it was, ill hope ill never be like how i used to be and sit home like a hermit.
so with kyle sick and me staying in i got a lot of beauty sleep and woke up the next morning, still, feeling tired. so apparently, that didnt help me. ohhhh well. so i went to work, and God was it busy!! ps. im still getting shitty hours. its bad. anyways, so im at work and nothing exciting happens. kyle calls as soon as i get out and he's feeling better, well not contagious(sp?) better and i go over and visit him and watch "Saw" with him. which by the way is a freaky movie, and when i was driving home late at night i was constantly looking in my mirror seeing if there was anyone in my car, and i HAD to check all the rooms in my house, and make sure no one was in my closet and the door had to closed! normally i dont get freaked out from those movies, but OMG...weird.
so, then sunday, i didnt work. i went with kyle upstate and fished. it felt so gooooood to get away from NP, at some point i felt like i was scream. and it was so nice up there and it even smelt better. just a relief. we didnt catch anything, but it didnt matter to me, it was just a really nice day to be out, go somewhere new with kyle.
then we went to erick and maggie's, and helped put a grill together with my true value skill...haha, not really. true value has taught be to memorize bar code and multitask and that about it. something thats good and will help me, but when it came to this, it was a guessing game...ie: this thingy goes in there, and that thingy goes in there. what dont YOU get about part MB874657 going in space HG857685?
skills...i know...
anyway, kyle and erick caught fish and set off fireworks and maggie freaked out of a giant beatle, and life was good on sunday.
monday was monday. back to school. all the teachers are starting to wind down their classes and their starting to talk about finals which really freaks me out, and am not looking forward to it, and the same with all my other days of school and ndkjfhdkjhjkgb blah blah blah...im sick of typing, bye.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: still the loud AC
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3:26 pm - Hmmm.. Interesting...
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current mood:  : as in not mad, but its 90*
current music: the freakin loud AC
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| Sunday, April 10th, 2005
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8:20 am - Freakin People
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Im sick. Ive caught everyone else's cold.
well, ive caught kyle's cold and i think he's had what everyone else has had. codie had a sneezing flu issue, i have a coughing, and a really bad sore throat issue. its hard for me to even speak. i dont think im gonna go into work today. i hope thats okay with everyone. even though i dont have the full blown flu...and hopefully by resting today i wont have it this time, i dont want to get i for school, and have to miss anymore days...because i cant.
anyways, me and kyle got new fish last night. it was interesting cleaning out the tank that he found. it was really cute too and i loved it. fish are expensive too. but they were cute and now we have fish, and yay!
hopefully these wont die.
<3
current mood: depressed
current music: coughing
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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4:36 pm - Confusing.
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Sometimes, i get confused with what people tell me, and what they mean. why cant then just speak english. especially guys, sometimes i just wanna crawl up in their head and see what they're thinking (cough:Kyle:cough) and know whats going on.
one minute i think our relationship is one thing and then the next, i have no idea if he's planning on tossing me to the sharks. Have i become that terrible?
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| Friday, March 25th, 2005
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4:43 pm - I have one thing to say.
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I hate Livejournal.
current mood: blank
current music: the dryer
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| Monday, March 21st, 2005
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4:50 pm - Waiting for my class and feeling miserable kinda...
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I seem to always write in this journal when im depressed...
hm.
why stop now, i guess?
anyways, so i have to wait for my next class which starts in 10 mins, but ive been fucking around for almost an hour trying to think of things to do to keep my occupied. isnt working very well.
well..
until now.
so anyways. for his birthday (tomorrow) i bought kyle Larry the Cable Guy tickets, that i must remember to confirm tonight. and i feel bad because i know that they arent going to be here by his birthday, or tomorrow.
i also feel bad because i got alittle pissy with kyle online, and it wasnt that he was the one who pissed me off, or i was wrong for the wrong reason.i tend to do that a lot. i totally blew him off online, at least i thought he did, and apprently he didnt know or didnt care. because he didnt call me to see what happened or anything like that.
sometimes i wish he would. cause even though its something stupid, i call him because i care. i would want him to call because he cared, i dont think thats unrealistic.
i guess u should stop, i mean maybe its a bunch of bullshit but its something i wish he would do, but i cant change a person, nor do i want to.
hm. i feel like such as asshole sometimes.
hope i feel better later today.
its not looking good though.
current mood: crappy
current music: freakin raddling heater
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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5:06 pm - So Far...
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Hm. i thought spring break was supposed to be fun?
im actually looking forward to going back to school. ive accomplished practically nothing, and feel terrible about it. ive looked for a second job because i work 2 days at true value and thats not enough. and there is nothing in new paltz, which means im gonna have to go to poughkeepsie.
anyways back to my sucky spring break...everyone is busy, or doesnt have the same spring break as me, there still in school, or they are working. so that has left me with a lot of sleeping time on my hands. just kidding. ive managed to keep myself busy doing random things, and some appointments that i had made. but they didnt take as long as i thought they would at the time.
but as of recently, i saw tim at shoprite the wednesday night with kristina. we went to go get her dinner, and i walked right into him. -not like a BAM! we collide kind of thing, but a BAM! i turn the corner and there he is. anyways, it got me kinda upset cuz i got thinking about how much time i wasted on him. ugh, bad memories.
anyways he was there with his girlfriend, amanda. and i dont wanna be mean but he changed...and not for the better.
...
shit- now that ive walked away from the computer i cant remember anything that i planned on writting about.
oh well, fuck it.
current mood: happy
current music: radio something something
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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6:40 am - kinda funny that this little person is a red head too
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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3:39 pm - more...
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3:10 pm - quiz
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2:51 pm - dun dun dunnnnn!!!
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Im in a really good mood, surprizingly!! :)
but i got another parking ticket. go me!
i parked in the staff parking lot, and this time i was actually caught. they've found me out!! no big deal though.
but ive decided to blow off my last 3 classes of the day, well maybe ill go back to school and make my last one, but i doubt it. i dont feel like it and its to nice to be inside and especially at dutchess!
buh bye.
current mood:  chipper
current music: mario brothers (aka: my phone)
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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8:05 am - Bored.
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4 essays in one day...
current mood:  groggy
current music: Rich Girl
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| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
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10:47 pm - Shit happens sometimes...
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So last night i came home from kyle's (which was interesting, phone calls and all...) pretty early, i was home around 7:30-8pm tried to eat something, was unsuccessful, so i went to bed. i then woke up at 7:30-8am. its been a long time since i got that much sleep, so now im probably going to be up till all hours of the night tonight...great.
luckily i got my computer running and my mom changed my time settings for AOL, so atleast i have my computer, even tho there is no one to talk to. i guess i always have the hw that ive been putting off for the last minute too.
but im super happy bout my computer.
so the snow fucked up my plans for that day. my main focus was to go to the bank and rearrange some things, chnage some things. it would have been a huge weight off my chest, but nope, the weather had to stop me, so i guess ill have to go on thursday, and deposit both my checks in the bank...woohoo.
so i really cant wait to go to NH. and i guess after thinking about it, it would be cool if marshall and kristina came with us. i mean kristina's not really a woodsy kinda person (aka: florida accident with the bug, whoa-nelly!), i mean im not really either, but its something different and im willing to try and want to! but be and kristina on a vacay for more then 4 days...we want to kill eachother. mainly i need my "me" space. if i dont have that, ill pop. No more Taylor.
but things should be okay, and ill talk to her about it.
i should go, i have to occupy myself. Kyle had some bad stuff happen recently and i really hope that everything comes out for the best. sometimes shit happens to good people.
current mood:  crushed
current music: I love this Bar
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| Monday, February 28th, 2005
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10:53 am - More snow.
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There is supposed to be a storm coming for NP and its going to hit us this afternoon. thats going to be a riot coming home from poughkeepsie in it. im hopeing that my 5pm class will be cancelled and even so, i dont think im going to go. i have a paper due that i dont have ready, considering i just found my guideline sheet. i need to have graphs and photos and shit, and yea...dont have any of them. i also have to write a paper for my art history class but wont be due till the 4th of april. even so, im panicing a bit, and i cant forget about my english one thats due soon to. 3 big essays due on the same day...yay for me!
so this snow storm....
i cant wait till summer, or spring, or warm weather. im done with snow, i dont want it anymore. theres nothing to do in it. and it sucks to drive in.
anyways, saturday and sunday was fun. me and codie had a remember when moment, which lead to the story of my picture phone, and bonehead, and other shit. now we just need to pick a day to go to olive garden, Super Giggles, and Victoria Secret shopping...fun times.
off to classes...
current mood: blank
current music: cat running amuck
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poohkie's journal
